Wednesday, 2 December 2009

Today: lunch/breakfast with the wonderful Megan Crespel at the West Cornish Pasty Company in Winchester town. They do the world’s greatest pasties, and the upstairs is decorated with kitch ornaments, antiques and posters of the Cornish lifestyle. What a great mix. And then on to the Christmas market, where they have decorations and grottos, and an ice rink. I know what I’m getting the Clique for Christmas now!!

And after chocolate inspired revelation I have decided that I need to sort myself out. That fickle sweep of anxiety and self-loathing that overcomes me at the most ridiculous of moments is hitting me hard this festive season. It takes me by surprise with all the spontaneity of the boyfriend that never quite worked out, with none of the comfort but more passion and familiarity; and that same dull thud of panic at the thought of exposing myself to it, the badly seeded idea that things might be better if I was that much thinner, that much less like me.

Today I also put some of my work on my wall, the work I did in first year art when I was actually good at all that jazz. I think it adds a little something.

I also think that the thing I have liked the least about uni this year it the lack of freedom in what we create, since all of the projects are given out with a set title. I miss the freedom of self expression and the chance to link my projects to things that actually interest me, as the other subjects are allowed, or in fact encouraged, to do. I know that next year things will pick up, and I’ll be studying the pathway that I really want to pursue, but until then I'm just a little uninspired, a little held back.

Right now I'm listening to the T.C. – Evolution album, which is possibly one of the best pieces of dub-step that I have heard all year. I downloaded it a while ago but hadn’t got around to playing it. I first heard the song “Where’s My Money” during the summer on the Zane Lowe Show, Radio 1, and was hooked straight away. I miss having a radio. No more new music for a few more days. On the plus side I'm probably less irritating to be around, with less recommendations that people don’t love quite so much as me.

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